noun. refusal to accept any standard short of perfection

Some of the biggest perfectionists I know are my 8th grade students. A number of my students have learning disabilities. They are not your future Ivy League graduate perfectionists. But this idea of being perfect has created a fear more crippling than any disability.

Why are they fearful? Because they might fail. And if they fail then they have to own it.  They can no longer say, “yeah I could do that, but I just don’t want to.” The deed is done, and now that they have put their identity in what they have done, they are frustrated and discouraged, so they don’t want to try anymore. I have had to teach them that failure is just a part of the every day struggle. It’s not forever, and it’s not how others will know them. When they know that I will keep working with them, and that I expect them to fail because I have true understanding they are not perfect, then it allows them to work free of expectation. When I communicate that I do not have an expectation of perfection, then there is freedom for them to try.

I wouldn’t readily admit that I expect people to be perfect, but I sure get disappointed when someone does fail me or others. Being a teacher and a wife has taught me the importance of setting up safe environments where it is okay not to be perfect; otherwise, I am only setting up barriers between me and the people I care about. If Jon knows that I will not judge him or be disappointed when he confesses sin or fears, then there is freedom to have real conversations. It is here that we can roll up our sleeves together and face the tough stuff.

-k