adj. real or genuine; true and accurate; made to be or look just like an original

How are you?     Good.
What do you feel like for dinner?     I’m up for whatever.
How was work today?     It was good. Pretty busy.

I have been conditioned. I think we all have. There is a consistent inclination within me to project what I am going to call “cool normal.” It plays out in a variety of ways, but by and large, the implicit intent is always the same: appear reasonable and relatable enough to earn the respect of others, yet distinct enough to earn that extra bit of appeal (i.e., coolness, hipness, trendiness). That balance feels comfortable. It’s the image – the persona – I want to maintain. It attracts (good) friends and seems to be well-received by most people. Society’s demand is high for this kind of a guy. And so I buy in.

There is at least one relationship, though, that puts this image to the test. Marriage is exposing my deep-seated people-pleasing tendencies in ways that I was blind to on my own. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I am a lot more complicated and messier than I want to admit. There is nothing wrong with being “good,” or truly “up for whatever,” or legitimately “pretty busy.” But, in reality, these flat responses almost never reflect the true, honest nature of my emotions or desires. In marriage, it is an incredible grace that I am forced to realize: I am selling myself short by “selling” myself as a palatable personality.

I’m learning to be authentic and it’s not easy. I’m learning to express my emotions, my fears, my sins, my desires, my preferences, and my thoughts – not in an over-bearing, domineering way, but in a “this is the real me” sort of way. You see, my apparent simplicity and “laid-backness” are a bit of a cover up. I experience complex emotions and desires. Kristy is helping me to move below the surface and thoughtfully reflect on myself. This hasn’t been self-absorbed introspective navel-gazing; it has been a challenging season of growth in which I’m learning to seek realness in my relationships – chiefly marriage, but friendships too – to speak truth and hear truth. For the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true.

J.