A few weeks ago, we went for a walk on a greenway close to our neighborhood. Earlier in the month, there had been a murder on another greenway in the area. I didn’t know many of the details about the murder, and I didn’t know if the murderer had been caught. It still was a little fresh in my mind as we strolled along the path. Halfway through our walk, we passed a small clearing on our right. The clearing had high grass before the woods began again. There was a big bush, and behind it I saw someone bending down. I couldn’t tell much about him except it looked like a stocky man with gray hiking/cargo pants and possibly a fleece pullover. In my head, he was white. I immediately thought, “maybe he is going to the bathroom,” or “maybe he’s a private investigator,” or “maybe he’s hunting” (really, Kristy, really?). And then, I realized, because I thought this guy was white and had nice clothes, I had for-the-most-part acceptable reasons he was being sketchy on a greenway in an area that had just seen a murder. Or, was it because he was wearing those clothes I thought he was white? Was my initial reaction not to call the police because I thought he was white? How would have the story played out differently in my head if I thought he was black? What excuses would I have come up with for him?

I did end up calling the police. I told them what I saw. A man, stocky build, with gray cargo pants, somewhat hiding behind a bush.

There is so much I have to learn and so many areas that need to be challenged in my heart and mind. These moments highlight the lies and beliefs that shape my perspecive of people of color in relation to white people. It is important that we share these realizations with other white people. If we don’t talk about these things, we will continue to justify them. And we must confess them to our Lord, the creator of all people. Without His redeeming work, we don’t have any hope of real heart change.

-k