Today is the first day of school for DCPS students and teachers. But I do not have students this year. I will not eat lunch with coworkers, decorate a classroom, or grade papers at my own desk. I am no longer, at least for this season, a teacher.

In May, after years of prayer (even before I was pregnant), we decided that I would resign from teaching to stay at home with our 1 year old Jack. When the decision had been made, I felt so much relief. There were other excellent opportunities, but this seemed like the most appealing decision. I wanted to be the the one with Jack all day. I wanted to teach him his colors and animal sounds. I especially wanted to be the one to take care of him when he was sick.

However, this was a very difficult decision to reach. One evening while reading about another teacher-mama’s decision to leave, I realized why saying “see you later” to teaching was so challenging. In addition to giving up my own space and a reason to look presentable, I would be giving up a few things I truly cherished about teaching.

1. Watching 8th graders get super into reading A Raisin in the Sun, a group of kids that many people had cast off as not being capable and most likely to fail.

2. Laughing with my students. In all honesty, this did not happen that often. But the times it did were so sweet. I felt like the mom that wants to tell the joke again just so she can relive the moment…because middle schoolers are just really hard to impress.

3. Making an off-the-cuff bulleted Friday agenda and ending with some kind of “educational” game that brings out my inner kid and makes my classroom feel like an extension of home on game night.

4. Being challenged in the way I think, look, and relate to people that are different from me.

5. Seeing my students writing improve. Moving from barely writing a few sentences to supporting their responses with textual evidence.

My students caused me a lot of frustration and tears. But they taught me more about being patient and gracious. They showed me the importance of commitment and responsiveness. Those 5 years of teaching were sanctifying. Life-changing. And I will never forget them.

This morning, while I fed Jack yogurt and blueberries – the same thing he eats every morning, the way my morning will probably start for the next 5-8 years – I reached out to past students, congratulating them on making it to the next grade and reminding them that they make me proud. It was encouraging to hear back. For a few different reasons, it’s not as easy for us to keep up, but I will try.

Today is bittersweet, for sure. But this new season will be just as sanctifying. It has already proven to be as much. I am very thankful and excited to pour into my own little being. Reading, laughing, and playing with him. Journeying alongside him as he explores this big world and learns to love the people in it.

-k